my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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