if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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