You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
