Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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