I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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