do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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