i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
