ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
