I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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