He is an equal opportunity slut.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
