this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i will never coherently bang her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
