my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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