I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
