oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
