Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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