i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
