i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
