either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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