Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
