i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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