My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
