My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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