i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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