4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
