I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
