I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
