i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
