He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
