I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
