Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
