I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
did you just send me my own nude
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
