How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize