weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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