I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize