the new term for farting is butt boxing.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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