There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
