If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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