make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
