as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
