I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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