hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
