At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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