this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
