does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
