i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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