Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
