Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
