Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
