There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
