I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
birth control should be required to get into college
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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