I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
