I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think a kid would responsible me up
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
