I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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