I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I wear drunk well.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
