the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I believe in your delicious
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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