I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
