the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
