Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
