I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
