lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just found puke in my bra..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
