the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
