Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize