Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
