Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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