What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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