we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
