just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
