I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
