My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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