The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
