Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sober January is a disaster.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
