Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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