lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
