Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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