i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
