Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize