Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Acid is not a monday night drug
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
