There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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