So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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