they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
