puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
