why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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