I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
