i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
