I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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