My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
