Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
