I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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