Just took my morning after pill in the library
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
