apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
vagina is talking i cant
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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