i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
