It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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