Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize