The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
