I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
