obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
