just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I CAN MOONWALK!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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