sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
