I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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