It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
