My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
