I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish my penis had an off switch
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
