mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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