I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
