I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
