you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
