It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize