Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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